- orange juice
- gasoline
- bile
- poultry frappe
- sloose
- crushed lipid juice
- underachievement
- pink'ish greasy fluid
- generous serving of cholesterol
- hamster juice
- essence of Helen
- motorcycles will no longer be built out of wood
- toucans will be forced to find shelter in old newspapers
- the word 'sapling' will be erased from dictionaries and collective consciousness
- decline in property value, rise in dirt and chicken wire fencing
- the disappearance of forests will encourage using non-wood material in manufacturing, such as recycled cell phones and Dijon mustard
- tree huggers will adopt frowning campaign
- thicket becomes the new forest
- log cabins will be stripped of aesthetic
- rise in demand for wooden clogs will see violins turn into shoes
- denial
- 'earth therapy' will establish itself as a legitimate service covered by most insurance plans
- bread will no longer be made using wood pulp
- there will be a consensus among most reasonable people that human beings have an impact on the natural world
- Hannukah will be shortened to seven days
- entire line of 1958 1/2" Norwegian multi-board laminate condensers will become obsolete
- able to order an enchilada all by itself
- recently underwent cartilage and ligament surgery
- close personal friends with Tom Brokaw
- utilizes moisture-repellent technology
- has an endoskeleton
- shields you not only from the elements but from passive aggressive comments
- co-authored book, "My Friend Cardigan"
- comes with a Saddle
- comes with a full battery of condiments
- knows you well enough to sense that you're tense and then whisper in your ear, "loosen up those shoulder muscles and just relax"
- unconventional wisdom
- hollandaise sauce
- a means to an end
- secrets
- solution to the sub-prime mortgage lending fall-out
- jurisprudence
- the Afikomen
- intelligent re-design
- one's superego
- Beethoven's wooden flute
- Flonaise
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