- orange juice
- gasoline
- bile
- poultry frappe
- sloose
- crushed lipid juice
- underachievement
- pink'ish greasy fluid
- generous serving of cholesterol
- hamster juice
- essence of Helen
- motorcycles will no longer be built out of wood
- toucans will be forced to find shelter in old newspapers
- the word 'sapling' will be erased from dictionaries and collective consciousness
- decline in property value, rise in dirt and chicken wire fencing
- the disappearance of forests will encourage using non-wood material in manufacturing, such as recycled cell phones and Dijon mustard
- tree huggers will adopt frowning campaign
- thicket becomes the new forest
- log cabins will be stripped of aesthetic
- rise in demand for wooden clogs will see violins turn into shoes
- denial
- 'earth therapy' will establish itself as a legitimate service covered by most insurance plans
- bread will no longer be made using wood pulp
- there will be a consensus among most reasonable people that human beings have an impact on the natural world
- Hannukah will be shortened to seven days
- entire line of 1958 1/2" Norwegian multi-board laminate condensers will become obsolete
- able to order an enchilada all by itself
- recently underwent cartilage and ligament surgery
- close personal friends with Tom Brokaw
- utilizes moisture-repellent technology
- has an endoskeleton
- shields you not only from the elements but from passive aggressive comments
- co-authored book, "My Friend Cardigan"
- comes with a Saddle
- comes with a full battery of condiments
- knows you well enough to sense that you're tense and then whisper in your ear, "loosen up those shoulder muscles and just relax"
- unconventional wisdom
- hollandaise sauce
- a means to an end
- secrets
- solution to the sub-prime mortgage lending fall-out
- jurisprudence
- the Afikomen
- intelligent re-design
- one's superego
- Beethoven's wooden flute
- Flonaise
- when egged-on by your classmates at a third grade field trip to the zoo, you impersonate a muskrat in its natural habitat, underwater for ten minutes
- at annual Feast of Nations celebration, hold a demonstration called, Famine of Nations, which you dedicate to sub-Saharan Africa
- on an Irish fraternity trip to the Motherland, attempt to steal the Blarney Stone for use in initiating practices
- when competing in a Scrabble tournament held in front of an audience that hates the game, and against a very dangerous opponent, rearrange the letters so that they line the perimeter of the board so that they don't spell real words
- freshmen year of college: alcohol poisoning
- you are the chair and founding member of the 'Free and/or Highly Subsidized Plastic Surgery Club', and need to demonstrate various methods of achieving your club goal. throw yourself in front of a speeding train so that the nose job you've always wanted costs $500, your insurance plan's deductible for facial reconstructive surgery.
- racial stereotypes promoted to bolster tourism spending in 'ethnic' neighborhoods
- public awareness billboard saying, 'Hold a hand. Hold a homeless person.'
- all New Yorker's required to wear T-shirts that say 'I Heart Boston'
- NYC people, AKA sewer people.
- all museum tours now include dinner with your guide's family
- pamphlets distributed to tourists notifying them that Chinatown is not actually China, deterring millions of dollars in potential business
- native population forced to take humiliating classes on proper hygeine
- dine free of charge at any NYC restaurant fri/sat night only
- city assumes defecit in public opinion by running campaign with the slogan, 'New Yorker's Are People Too'
MADKAST is a company that is introducing a new way to distribute and share blogs. LISTOFF was one of a handful of blogs selected to participate in the product launch. Click the green share icon to text or email a particular list. It's very easy.
