April 30, 2007
THE GOVERNMENT IS WATCHING:
- cereal (they confused 'Syria' with 'cereal')
- Sally Jesse Raphael
- time elapsed video images of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly
- Google's toilet
- your punctuality, because the last time you said you were going to meet me at 7pm you didn't show up until a little after 8:30
- transformation of light into matter
- 9/11 action shots
- soft-core porn
- the purchase receipts of every nuclear submarine vendor in Lower 48
- (mineral) deposits
- internet simulcasts of Chem 188 lecture
- bootleg recordings of Jerry Garcia
- your every movement
- Desperate Houswives
- it's own demise
- Craigslist for Upper East Side summer sublet for under $1,500/month
Posted by Pogoff at 4/30/2007 0 comments
THREE BLIND MICE, THREE BLIND MICE, SEE HOW THEY:
-have the last laugh
-hedge their bets
-do the electric slide
-eat their pink children
-Anne of Green Gables
-publish and distribute newsletters
-react to a paralyzing stream of voltage
-deal with mounting debt through avoidance
-cuddle and make puppy faces when nobody's watching
-still carry on the nomadic tradition by walking the Silk Road
-totally went through the whole punk rock phase like a million years ago
-recently purchased a beautiful corduroy couch on sale at Pottery Barn
-have started to explore the rest of the charcuterie plate
-nest inside a hollowed-out floor speaker and later drown in a puddle of antifreeze
-decorate their nest with wreaths and holly branches during the yuletide season
-move their bowels in a way that sculpts droppings into beautiful pebble-like objects
-have dabbled in hallucinogens but always come back to opiates
Posted by Pogoff at 4/30/2007 0 comments
April 27, 2007
Things NOT to do in a sauna:
- urinate on the coals after eating four pounds or asparagus
- elephant walk
- Carlos Santana
- compare yeast infections
- (attempt to) refrigerate cheese
- lock the door as a practical joke
- walk the dog
- interpretive dance performance to reading of Jane Eyre
- rip off toenails with icepick and reattach them with hot pepper sauce
- tie plastic bag around your head
- empty colostomy bag
- use as a portal to smuggle boatload of severely dehydrated refugees
- have your way with Latoya Jackson
- host a colorectral surgical convention
Posted by Pogoff at 4/27/2007 16 comments
JACK BE NIMBLE, JACK BE QUICK, JACK JUMP OVER THE:
- space-time divide
- Panama Canal
- candlestick
- trail of tears
- ground-to-air ballistic missile attack
- African American perspective
- innovation
- prayer vigil
- forcefield
- metaphor
- sudden death round of Scrabble tournament
- particle accelerator
- hurdle
- lunar eclipse
- inquisitive mind
Posted by Pogoff at 4/27/2007 0 comments