THE GOVERNMENT IS WATCHING:

- cereal (they confused 'Syria' with 'cereal')

- Sally Jesse Raphael

- time elapsed video images of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly

- Google's toilet

- your punctuality, because the last time you said you were going to meet me at 7pm you didn't show up until a little after 8:30

- transformation of light into matter

- 9/11 action shots

- soft-core porn

- the purchase receipts of every nuclear submarine vendor in Lower 48

- (mineral) deposits

- internet simulcasts of Chem 188 lecture

- bootleg recordings of Jerry Garcia

- your every movement

- Desperate Houswives

- it's own demise

- Craigslist for Upper East Side summer sublet for under $1,500/month