A JACKET IS NOT JUST A JACKET IF

- able to order an enchilada all by itself

- recently underwent cartilage and ligament surgery

- close personal friends with Tom Brokaw

- utilizes moisture-repellent technology

- has an endoskeleton

- shields you not only from the elements but from passive aggressive comments

- co-authored book, "My Friend Cardigan"

- comes with a Saddle

- comes with a full battery of condiments

- knows you well enough to sense that you're tense and then whisper in your ear, "loosen up those shoulder muscles and just relax"