Things NOT to do in a sauna:
- urinate on the coals after eating four pounds or asparagus
- elephant walk
- Carlos Santana
- compare yeast infections
- (attempt to) refrigerate cheese
- lock the door as a practical joke
- walk the dog
- interpretive dance performance to reading of Jane Eyre
- rip off toenails with icepick and reattach them with hot pepper sauce
- tie plastic bag around your head
- empty colostomy bag
- use as a portal to smuggle boatload of severely dehydrated refugees
- have your way with Latoya Jackson
- host a colorectral surgical convention
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