METHODS OF CULINARY RELAXATION

- invite General Tsao to repeat soothing mantras while you cook his famous aromatic chicken dish

- click carrots together and repeat, "there's no place like home, there's no place like home"

- make double batch (!) of meat popsicles

- soothe the mind and numb the senses by freebasing a Vidalia onion

- while preparing dinner play audio tape of the book, "The Tranquil Baster: A Collection of Short Memoirs"

- boost morale by wearing red sequined evening gown as an apron

- convert rice cooker into foot bath by filling basin with warm water and lavender-scented sea salt

- pretend kitchen faucet is a waterfall and frolic about in its cool mist

- during the Christmas season, replace the sand in your rock garden with confectioners sugar, and rocks with gingerbread cookie chunks