AROUND THE WORLD IN THE YEAR 2017

- Jamaica enjoys a resurgence in popularity of the empire waistline

- Sri Lanka elects Queen Amadala as country's leader




- U.N. finally recognizes Phantom of the Opera as a sovereign state

- Poverty level in Calcutta increases from a diet of smoldering refuse to water-based paint

- Spring Break Suriname

- Taiwanese women forced to wear pants

- North Korea continues its reign as longest running temper tantrum

- Germany decriminalizes Autobahn bongloading

- Black population discovered in Uzbek disco

- Antarctica is just chillin', yo