IF I HAD A HAMMER I'D:

- kill those little buggers that destroy my perennials

- glue your mouth shut

- save money on health insurance

- threaten (with greater frequency)

- advocate more effectively

- reverse ugly hair plugs

- find new and enterprising ways to use the fork-type thing on the back

- compensate

- have the luzury of using the guess and check approach

- fortify my dragon lair

- rip the nail out of the wall in my bedroom that has been tearing my clothing ever since I moved into the house