THIS IMPENETRABLE FORTRESS

- business level subscription to SPAM filter

- deceptively placid stream of liquid mercury

- THE beef curtain

- fear of the afterlife

- Barbara Bush clone army

- Norelco razor wire

- motes filled with primordial ooze

- 9,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall

- Gahdzilla

- 12 gigawatt surround sound broadcast of NPR’s “Democracy Now”

- force field with red laser beams and mirrors

- The People’s Federated Republic of Dilbert

- doors that open onto fields of padlocks and puddles of superglue

- Jerome, Reginald, Tyrone after insulting their mother

- steel reinforced copies of Teen People forming 10’ walls

- front line of mock Civil War enthusiast convention key note speakers