THINGS THAT MIGHT NOT BE SUPERSTITIOUS BUT SHOULD BE

- being told you will have 50 unwanted pregnancies

- the heebie jeebies

- the number 13 is trumped in years bad luck by the square-root of zero

- building a diarama recreating the Salem witch trials will make a real live witch spontaneously combust

- Transylvania is not bad luck, it's just scary

- step on a crack and break your mother's back, step on a line and you'll break your brother's spine

- watching someone fall down the stairs is automatic bad luck

- never breathe on a spoon and let it dangle from your nose, because it is seven years in the slammer

- eating turkey sandwiches (under any circumstance) is 10 years back breaking manual labor

- falling out of a rollercoaster and living to tell about it won't result in such fortunate circumstances next time