THINGS YOUR ALLERGIST NEVER TOLD YOU

- "your allergy to gluten is by far the nerdiest of all the common allergies"

- "I think you have a very serious heart problem, but I'm no expert"

- "by the power invested in me, I hereby sentence you to a lifetime of discomfort and embarrassment"

- "given the empirical evidence found in your son's diaper, my conclusion is that he's VERY lactose intolerant"

- "I had my fingers crossed behind my back when we spoke about the patient-doctor confidentiality agreement"

- "I am hesitant to do a skin test because I have a serious crush on you"

- "the tests came back, and you are indeed allergic to my body odor"

- "we're now going to see if you are allergic to this powerful laser i am going to point at your eye"