HALLMARKS OF A DECADENT HIGH SCHOOL

- administration refers to students as 'clients'

- Bose loudspeakers

- ATM's outside each classroom

- afternoon tea served with organic Madagascar cane sugar and creme de la creme

- mink pelt chalkboard erasers

- headmaster is Sultan of Brunei

- Hermes uniforms

- mahogany humidors hold ornate cherry wood pencils

- students give teachers Faberge eggs as Christmas presents

- cafeteria eating utensils include demi spoons and cheese forks

- most common punishable offense is double parking Bentley convertible

- biology taught out of original hand drawn Audubon books

- field trips include behind-the-scenes tours of Sotheby's

- students choose between scribes and stenographers for note-taking

- electives taught in Queen's English, and 'football' class in Cockney